Seize the Day

One week should be enough time for one to get back on her feet from a son making a stay at the hospital, yet I still feel like I'm wiped out emotionally and physically. Corban, our 3 year old, was diagnosed with Generalized Tonic seizures in November 2007. In December, we made the hard decision to start medicating since we lost the game of chance that he wouldn't have any more.

Since then, we've been on a roller coaster of finding that perfect balance of keeping seizures at bay, and keeping our son's delightful personality intact. We've watched Corban go through things that no child should have to; such as, hallucinations, night terrors, tingling, mood swings, and not to mention loosing memory and wondering why Mom and Dad are hovering over you when you wake up on the floor from an episode.

Seizures are fallacious evil things. It seems like they allow time to give you a sense of security then they strike like a snake. Thursday, May 8th was this day for us. Brandon had just tucked Corban and Makade into their beds when Makade yelled that Corban was having a seizure. We got him under control and in his postictal state after a seizure, we knew he'd just sleep. Nearly an hour later, we heard the yell Corban sometimes makes at the start of a seizure where all of his air is being forced out, this raised concern, but Corban has had 2 seizures in a day before so we let him sleep and went to bed ourselves.

I would like to claim that the gurgling noise I heard over the monitor was what woke me, but I know there had to of been higher intervention when I woke at 3am for the 3rd seizure. This is where Brandon and I sensed something was truly wrong so we phoned the Neurologist on call. He said he thought we could wait a couple hours, but to take Corban in to have some blood work done in the morning. The 5am seizure was when we decided this could wait no longer so I got dressed and drove him down to the Children's hospital.

Corban was immediately brought in to a room and while we were waiting to see the nurse, Corban seized again. After the next episode, they decided to admit him and gave him Atavan to stop the seizing. During the time of the blood work, Corban had 2 more, the last one around 1:30pm. The blood work all came back normal. The doctors were stumped as to why he was having a breakthrough of seizures. I wanted so much for there to be a reason our son's body was behaving this way, yet no amount of tests could prove anything was wrong so we just have to accept the attack of seizures for what they are.

By the second day, the doctors had gone from deciding to raise the levels of his current medication, to switching them all-together. This makes me leery since Keppra (his previous med) was the only drug to date that doesn't cause harmful physical side-effects. It's biggest disagreement is the aggressive mood swings, and other things mentally. Depakote, (the new medication) can cause liver damage, lower white blood cell count, not to mention hand tremors, sleepiness, upset stomach, stuttering, and more. I hate that I feel Corban is confined by medications that keep one malevolent away while producing more unpleasants. The trick is to out-weigh the two evils. I need an attitude adjustment when it comes to these medications; I need to stop looking at them like they are the enemy. Easier said than done though.

The 3 day stay at the hospital was a time warp trap. Some moments, you thought it would never end while others, it was already dinner time. Corban clung to 1 movie to get him through, Toy Story 2; re-entitled "Buzz". We watched "Buzz" enthusiastically 7 times the first coherent 24 hours! Thank goodness for the toy hero keeping Corban's mind set on, "To infinity and beyond!" while he sat linked to an IV and 4 other monitoring cords.

The rest of our time was spent walking in halls, sometimes with a wagon, sometimes without. We played in the 3rd floor playroom, had a video game console rolled down to our end of the hall, and watched enough "Buzz" to be able to put on a re-enactment at the drop of a hat.

The positives that have come from this experience are these: These things have a way of bringing you closer to family, and closer to God. Brandon and I are not very good at asking for help, it's not a pride issue more of we just don't know how to have people help us. We have never had more help in our married life than the past 6 months dealing with seizures. We've also never felt more spiritual. We've been a church-going family, but now I feel we've never been more close to the Lord.

The other lesson learned from this is while in a children's hospital, you can't help but feel you have no right complaining about your own child's infirmities when you glance across the hall and see another child in far worse condition. It really put things into perspective for me, so I will work on getting over my want of blaming medications as the enemy and accept the seizures for what they are and move on in full force to the next adventure or challenge (which ever should greet me first).